shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
im on a boat
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