cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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