It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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