I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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