CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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