We need to rekindle our bromance
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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