if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize