"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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