This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
