when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
