why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
