you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
