Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
