So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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