I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
