My room smells like vodka and shame
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
