I just threw up on my dentist
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
