we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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