Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Randomize
