Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
