how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
