it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
