i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
