No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
