They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
