i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
