By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
