Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
