i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
