I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
