Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
