I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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