girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
