he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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