Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
