Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
