Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
