and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
