i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
