Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize