Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
