I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
