someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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