he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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