She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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