these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
