Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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