Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
