I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize