dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
