You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
