I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
