Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
