My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
