I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
