Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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