is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
