I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
