she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
