the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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