I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
