Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
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I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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